If it hadn't been for love
by sourcherryfame
Summary: to choose her love, she must follow her heart... Blair chooses prince Louis, but a certain Humphrey still rules her mind and possibly her heart.DAN and BLAIR/ DAIR rated M for later chapters
1. Chapter 1

She must Follow her Heart

~CHAPTER 1~

_The only thing lamer than dating Dan Humphrey is mourning Dan Humphrey! _

She smiled as she recalled her words to her blonde friend, and how ironic it was, that she was doing the same thing she had deemed as "lame" two years later... she was mourning Dan Humphrey.

They fought for me, they fought with one another, trying to prove they were better. But he didn't he, didn't do that, he didn't fight, she thought.

She couldn't help but wonder why? And most importantly she couldn't stop thinking why she cared so much. Her dark knight and her prince charming, she had them, they were fighting for her, but what she had wanted all along, what she had hoped for was him. Every time, she had opened their gifts, she missed seeing movies with him, sharing thoughts and views about literature and art, those things seemed like more precious gifts than the diamonds and the confessions of love. Every time, she had seen any of them walking towards her, she had thought of Humphrey, and longed for him, she wanted to see him, talk to him, laugh with him.

But he had opted out of the race for her heart, he had walked away, and that should anger her, or at least prove to her that he wasn't worth it, but still she wanted him. She knew she wanted him that more than anything, she wanted to be on his couch, in his Brooklyn loft, watching a movie, and laughing with him over pizza.

She looked at her finger, where Louis's precious diamond ring sat- heavy on her hand and her heart. She looked around her room, irritation and uneasiness growing inside of her. She went and sat on her bed, staring at her phone, and her ring. The inner battle inside her raged, as she fought hard from herself, telling herself, not to make the call, but she was losing. After about a minute, she picked up her phone and called the one person she wanted to talk to since a long time. She stared at her ring as the phone rang, still feeling surreal about being engaged to an actual prince, when he finally picked up the phone.

Dan was expecting a call; he was expecting her to call. He had read the gossip girl blast, his heart had sank, when he had heard the news, heard that Blair, the queen B, was now officially going to be a princess. He felt like his heart had been ripped into a million pieces as he saw her with Louis, and there on her finger sat an enormous diamond.

She had chosen, and she had chosen the prince.

He knew she would call, well he hoped she would. He expected her to at least tell him personally, that she had stomped on his heart, and had chosen a prince and a life of a princess over him.

So when the phone had rung he wasn't surprised and he hadn't avoided it, like all the other calls he had avoided (the last thing he wanted was someone sympathising with him).

'hello.'

There was silence at the other end.

'Blair?'

'I am engaged.'

'I know.'

'that is all you have to say? "I know"!'

'What else do you expect? I am happy for you, or perhaps, don't do this to me, don't leave me...'

'It isn't funny Humphrey!'

'funny? You think I am being funny! Blair, you chose, you chose the prince, over this Brooklyn pauper, fine! It is fine, it is your choice. And what am I to say? Other than I know, thanks to gossip girl.'

'Humphrey...' she whispered his name, not knowing what to say.

'what do you want Blair?' he asked honestly.

She sighed, 'I don't know...' she answered honestly, 'but I do want to be with Louis.'

'hmm... then why did you call me?'

'Is the answer- I don't quite know, good enough?'

'No, no it is not.'

She nodded, 'hmm...'

After a few seconds of silence, he closed his eyes, 'Blair, goodbye.'

She felt like crying, she knew this good bye, was him bidding her farewell, forever.

'goodbye Humphrey,' her voice cracked, as she said his name.

He cut the phone, staring at it for a few seconds before flinging it at the wall opposite him.

Tears trailed down his cheeks, as he slumped to the ground, feeling defeated, and devastated.

He banged his hand on the ground, in anger, as the realisation dawned on him, he had bid her farewell, she was gone... forever, he had lost her, he had lost Blair.

She burst into tears as soon as he disconnected the phone. She couldn't breathe, as she sobbed to her pillow, thinking about him... and all the time they had spent together.

She thought with a sad smile, yes it is ironic, I am mourning Dan Humphrey.


	2. Chapter 2

okay, sorrry about that, I accidently loaded the first chapter again. anyway, new chapter this time.

now I had begun writing thinking about writing based on the last five epi spoilers, but then I saw them and they successfully sucked all inspiration from me, so I am here with a whole new take on things. and as for the things that did/did not happen from the last five epi's in this FF.

1- Blair did get engaged to Louis, and did get somehwhat punched.

2- NO she did not go back running to Chuck, and no no wierd Thorpe drama happened, and no they did not have weird, awkward sex at a random kids bar mitzwah.

3- Chuck fought for blair, but gave up after she made her choice, they had a mature conversation and they both agreed that they have to move on for good. So chuck and Blair are now just friends and nothing else.

4- Dan did almost hook up with Charlie, but didnt go with it, not coz she said "call me serena", but because he is in love with Blair.

5- blair and Louis went to Paris for their vacation, and Dan went with Eric to the Hamptons.

Read and enjoy!

Please do review, I had only three reviews last time, and I wld like to think I am not that bad.

-CHAPTER 2-

~missing a friend~

She was in love with him.

She thought she was in love with him.

She thought she was in love with him two months ago, but doubts had started creep up into her mind, leaving her numb with uncertainty.

But that would have been fine, absolutely fine, everyone has cold feet and doubts as their wedding date draws closer. But what was happening to her, she wasn't at all ready for it.

She was happy, she was living her fairytale, and she didn't even know how in the world it had happened, it had crept, ever so slowly, and deviously into her mind, slowly and slowly penetrating her every thought, until it was all she could think about.

It had started that day, three weeks into her vacation with Louis. Or perhaps it was since before that but she hadn't noticed it before, and that day the thought had been prominent, very prominent. She didn't know anymore, you can't put an exact timeline on these things anyway. No you can't date feelings, you can't have a feelings calendar in your life, march third- fell in love, July eighteenth- not in love anymore. No life wasn't that easy, especially when feelings were involved. So she didn't know when it had begun, but she knew when she had started really, deeply, regularly, longingly started thinking about it.

It had been the day she had been seeing paintings, alone as Louis was busy with something- something political perhaps, she didn't know for sure, for some reason he didn't really divulge all details of his itinerary to her. He would always just come, kiss her, and spend time, having dinner, or lunch, or reading a book, and then when she wasn't expecting it, he would drop the bomb "sorry Blair, I can't be with you tomorrow I have to meet Stephanie, to talk about the grace Kelly foundation".

She couldn't even be mad at him, she wanted this, she signed up for this, no one told her too, " for better or for worse" that was the promise they were to make in four months time, right? So better be in practice, she would think, as she calmed herself down.

So she was there, looking at paintings, marveling at the strokes and the technique. Being lost in the colors and people, whose one moment in life was captured in the most romantic way. She had been staring at a particularly beautiful painting of Manet, her favorite, the same painting which had acted as a catalyst for their meeting, almost a year ago.

And she hadn't been thinking about that day, and smiling no, she was smiling, but she was smiling trying to think about what would Dan say looking at this painting if he were there?

She imagined having a conversation with him, how they would have debated, talked and walked discussing not just art but everything they could think of.

How witty answers and sarcastic remarks would have been flying around. How she would have smiled- content, as he would have accepted defeat. And then it had happened, the shocking thought, which had her paralyzed and shocked. She thought, she would smile, even if she had to accept defeat, as long as he was there.

That is why she knew it started that day, because that was the first time in her life, that the thought of being defeated in a battle of wits by Dan Humphrey, didn't seem like an un acceptable idea- as long as he would have been there, with her.

That was the day, Dan Humphrey had become her paralyzing, all consuming thought. He had slowly conquered her mind. She then found herself staring at her phone, trying to decide whether to press the green button and call him. She was so overcome by curiosity about him that she had begun stalking him- just a little bit- on Gossip girl, reading and re-reading posts about him. Her heart sinking every time she saw another girl in his arm, as he partied in the Hamptons with Eric.

She even found herself wondering about him while having conversations with Louis. He would answer her question or make a comment, and she would instantly think- Dan would have never said that, or Dan would have agreed too, Dan would never love caviar- in fact I am sure he will _never _try fish eggs, Dan would think buying a diamond necklace is too pretentious, Dan would have loved walking like this with coffee too, dan dan dan dan…

She was going crazy!

And now she sat in Louis's private jet, making her way back home, to make arrangements for her wedding. Staring at another blast about Dan this time with another girl in his arms. She had mixed emotions- a part of her dreaded meeting him again, and a part was flipping with joy like a teenager at the thought of seeing him. But she knew one thing for sure- she wanted him back in her life, he had become too special to her, her Dan- obsession was because she missed her friend, missed him terribly. And she will have him back, he will have to forgive her, she will make him. Blair Waldorf will get back her friend back, at any cost.

Dan woke up; he was barely able to open his eyes, thanks to the huge amounts of alchohol he had consumed last night. When he finally did open his eyes, and looked to his side, a brunette lay there naked, and asleep. He got up and gathered his clothes, as he slipped out of her house.

He became fully aware of the terrible headache, as the sunlight hit his face, bright and beautiful- utterly irritating.

He stumbled into a small breakfast bar he had frequented, ordering the same order, hoping the pancakes and huge amounts of it would help the hangover.

He didn't know when his life had gotten this way, how in the world he had become like one of those guys, who went through life hooking up with random girls at random parties, getting drunk and having drunken sex somewhere. Waking up the next morning with a deathly headache and starting the cycle all over again. He had come close to being this way when he had broken up with Serena, but that too was nothing like this, nothing at all. No this time around he was out there having sex with a vengeance. Like the more girls he fucked the more he could forget Waldorf. It was like he was on a mission, like these random girls could stop the constant pain in his heart. He was unsuccessful- obviously- those random girls, weren't so random, he realized that.

It hadn't missed him that they all always were brunettes, and they all had almond shaped brown beautiful eyes. And even though he had tried not to accept it, but when he was with them, fucking them, he would close his eyes, and imagine her. He was pathetic.

And that knowledge only made him a bigger man whore, as he hooked up with more girls, always trying not to think of her, but always thinking of her.

Always.

But that was still fine, he got truly frustrated and angry at himself when he would find himself wondering about her, wondering how she would be, and what she would be doing. He didn't know he could be so pathetic, he really didn't.

Even Eric noticed it. He had many times pointed out his pathetic-ness to him. Telling him he was becoming a miniature Chuck, drowning emotions in worthless sex and booze, rather than facing them like a man.

He knew Eric was right, but he wasn't ready to face anything, not now. Which was weird, he had had the experience of being second to someone else, heck he had at one point become "bachelor number three" for Serena. But this time, it hurt so much more, thinking about her with someone else felt like a hundred daggers straight to the heart, not to mention the jealousy in the pit of his stomach- was like a volcano. And what it did to him was making him have more revenge sex.

He thanked the waitress, and plunged into his pancakes, when his phone beeped, it was a blast, about Blair, she was back in New York. He had been shamelessly stalking her on Gossip girl, smiling sometimes as he saw her alone walking though Paris, or reading a book and eating sweets. And other times with Louis, holding hands, walking talking, kissing. He was happy she was back, a big part of him wanted her back. He missed having Blair Waldorf in his life. Missed her sarcastic comments and how she rolled her eyes when he did something disapproving, missed the hint of a smile that crept to her face, when she agreed with him on something but just didn't want to admit it. He missed watching movies with her, talking throughout about the movie and other things, laughing and enjoying. But then there was a part who didn't want to meet her, because he knew that even though he missed her, seeing her being wither would be too painful.

I have to stay away, she chose and now I have to get over her, and I can't do that with her around. He had to stay away at any cost.


End file.
